I didnt make an official “public announcement” when I know I was pregnant. You know, that kind of post on social media to tell friends and family in your circle. I just let few people to know— some of them even notice it from my husband’s post. It went so fast and I wasnt ready at that time. I knew that In just a couple week of our marriage life. It was shocking, not because it wasn’t expected—because of course we want babies in our marriage life. The main reason was actually the fact that I was in a transition time to be a wife and found myself will be soon to be a mother was actually made me think whether or not I was ready.
But time goes by and I am now expecting my baby to born in just 3 weeks. I am excited yet feeling a lil bit worry. Maybe because this is the very first time. Maybe because my mum thought it’s somewhat too fast. Maybe because I thought I am not ready yet to be a mom. In addition, there’s also so many how ifs. How if my baby born too early than I predict? How if I go into labor all alone or just with my husband. How if…. ahh, so many things flying around my head. But one thing that I am pretty sure at this moment, I want a natural delivery. I want my baby born perfectly and healthy as we all wanted they way it is.
As that feeling is not enough, I face another challege. Living in this capital city with my mum stay far away in my home city makes me feel insecure. A part of my life want to be an independent woman, but the rest just become too spoiled by wanting to be at home all the time.
In all of sudden — well not really actually, but as building a family is a new thing for me, my life changes. Although Ramdhan didnt limit me to do what I want, but all the priority is now changed. Since I was moving to another company with working hours life, my life also changes. I am no longer spending time at the office lately because I prefer to be at home as soon as possible. I am no longer buying stuff because I want to do saving as much as I can and I want to be a minimalist one. Most importantly, I am now fully aware about my children’s future. I want them to have the better things — if not the best.
But last week, all those feelings gradually disappear as I got a response from my friend, telling that he thought my life’s almost perfect as I will become a mother soon. “why you always make people intimidated by your achievement, may?” This sentence brought me to think deeply. I suddenly realize that a life I am worrying is actually what other people want it hardly. Because they just see the cover. Maybe they want exactly the same life. Maybe. But a lesson I can take from this situation is actually how to learn become grateful. Grateful of what I have now with my lil family, grateful that soon we will have our children surrounding us, grateful that we still have a dream to pursue. Yes, grateful that I have a super caring husband who seems so ready to build our family together.